All About Perspective

I just sat down when there was a knock on the door.

“Great. To think I was getting comfortable,” I said aloud.

I put my wine down on the table and stood up. It was evening time and getting dark earlier than I liked. I loved the idea of crisp weather, but not what felt like endless darkness. For some reason my apartment door didn’t have a peep hole, so I had to gradually open the door until the security chain stopped it. I unlocked the deadbolt and slowly opened it. Guard was up because you never know anymore.

I looked through the crack and stared. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I spoke.

“Can I come in? I have something to say.”

No hi or acknowledgement, which I thought was rude. How can one just expect me to let them into my place? Then again, I knew how long the drive was so I unlatched the chain, fully opened it, and stepped to the side. I still couldn’t believe what I was looking at.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I said again sitting back down on the couch and grabbing my wine.

“I need to tell you something,” he said.

I knew what was coming next. He took his hat off and began twisting it. I knew what was coming next. I wasn’t prepared for this or expecting it. As he spoke, his eyes began to fill up with tears. Also knew that was coming. It always did. So did the pain on his face. My stomach began to churn.

“I, uh, I need to tell you that I was wrong. Everything I did was wrong. I’ve said this before and I know my word doesn’t mean shit, but I want you and only you.”

I just stared at him. There was more coming.

“I want you. I want all this in my life. Leaving you that day was the worst decision I’ve ever made. Letting you come here without me was wrong.”

“We’ve gone through this before,” I said, letting out a sigh. I didn’t know what to think. We hadn’t talk in a long time. Deep down I knew he still missed me, but I didn’t think he’d drive this far to tell me.

“I know.” Tears ran down his face. He was trying to breathe and not show so much emotion, but failing. I kept my guard up, but was beginning to feel bad. Butterflies began to build inside my stomach.

“I’ve used up so many chances and know it’s inappropriate to ask for a clean slate, but that’s the only phrase I can think of,” he said now pacing back and forth.

I sipped on my wine again.

“What makes you think this time would be different?” He stopped and stared for a minute. I asked this before. I believed him before. And now we were here again. Deep down I still kept ahold of what we had, but I couldn’t show it or tell him. He was about to speak when my phone rang. It was on the table face up. He saw who it was. I quickly grabbed it, silenced it, and flipped it over.

He began twisting his hat again.

“Do you like him?” he asked after a minute.

“What?” I responded, knowing exactly what he meant.

“Do. You. Like. Him?”

Silence came over the apartment. Clouds had taken over the setting sun and it was slowly getting darker. I didn’t want to answer him. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Yes. Yes, I do.” I sipped my wine. That’s a lie, I took a gulp.

He put his hat back on and walked toward me. I didn’t know what he was doing so I half put my arms in front of me in case I had to defend myself. It was stupid to think that, I knew he wouldn’t touch or hurt me.

He stuck out his hand. I looked at him. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy. I wanted to tear up, but didn’t. I stuck my hand out and we shook hands.

“I’m sorry I did this. Sorry for all of it. You won’t hear from me again for a while.”

I was speechless.

We stopped shaking hands and he began back to the door. He looked all around the apartment. I knew what he was thinking. This could have been ours, not just mine. His hands clenched into fists and he punched the side of his legs. I sat still, really not knowing what to do. He opened the door and turned to me again.

“I love you and always will.” He waved, turned around and walked out, closing the door behind him.

“I love you too.”