Chasin'

Time to drive. Drive for a while. You’re going somewhere you’ve never been before. A place where you need to be. Well, you think you need to be. The early morning air is stale. Double check your front door to make sure it’s locked. You’ll be gone for at least two days. Three if everything goes according to plan. This was a last-minute decision. You could say an irrational thought of sorts and you know how that ended last time. That memory travels through your brain as you walk to your car. Get in and turn on the GPS. Type in the destination. It’s a long drive ahead, but worth it. Be prepared for anything.

Get onto the highway. Not a lot of traffic this time of day. You see occasional high beams from third shift workers going home. Fidget with the radio. You’re trying to find something to distract you from this drive and what is at the end. Turn the radio off. Take a sip of coffee. You’ll need that energy. As you continue on, look at the stars. The sun won’t rise for another two hours. They bring a sense of peace and understanding. No one knows where you’re going. You keep it that way. Hearing how stupid of a trip this is isn’t going to help you or your mindset. Take another sip of coffee. Be prepared for anything.

You’re out of the state now. The sun is rising. Put your sunglasses on. You can’t get into an accident. Too much is at stake. Well, that’s what you think. Traffic has picked up heavily. They don’t understand how important this drive is. Stay in the middle two lanes. Let the assholes speed past you. You have to be in one piece. Take a sip of coffee. Now you’re out and need more. The caffeine helps you relax. You don’t understand how or why, but it just does. Get off at the next exit. It’s the last one for 30 miles. You need this gas station coffee. Be prepared for anything.

You pull up to a gas pump. Be smart and top off now while you have the chance. Don’t want to waste more time later. Get out and begin to pump. Someone pulls up next to you and soon is doing the same thing.

“Where you headed?”

Respond with, “A place I’ve been chasin’ for a while.” Make sure to smile as you say it.

“Oh, well good luck to ya.”

The handle jolts and the gas stops pumping. Nod at the guy and walk into the building. Pee and get another coffee. Make sure it’s the largest cup they have. This’ll be the last one of the trip. Can’t get too carried away. Buy a water too. That’ll help. Hop in the car and get back on the highway. Almost half way there. Be prepared for anything.

It begins to get overcast. The radio is still off. You continue to run all the scenarios in your head. One good outcome; way too many bad ones to count. You’re excellent at creating the bad outcomes. Most of them are written in the journal in your bag. The rest you came up with while driving. You cross over another state line. Getting closer. Take a sip of coffee. Rain begins to hit your windshield. Think that it is a sign that this shit isn’t going to work. Punch yourself in the thigh and shake your head. You gotta stop thinking like that. You know it’s hard and that’s why the journal exists. Take the last big gulp of caffeine. It flows through your veins. No more. The rain is now steady and somewhat soothing. Your mind begins to relax. Now just focus on driving. Be prepared for anything.

Now you’re on the home stretch. Sun is out again. You feel happy and sad at the same time. The sun, you think, is a sign that this’ll work out. The irrational idea is okay. But, again, remember the last time you acted on that irrational thought. Now you’re sad. Shake it out of you. Stop being such a mental midget. Have some confidence. Hear your mom say: “Everything happens for a reason. Now shape up.” This sort of helps. But, it also doesn’t. She doesn’t really get it. You do. That’s all that matters. Be prepared for anything.

Take the final turn into the parking area. You’re here. Park the car far enough away. Sun is beaming through a cloud layer. Mixed emotions. Either it’s about to work out or you’re fucked. Sip on the water. Get out of the car. Stretch, it was a long day of driving. Look at the building. The sudden feeling of nausea kicks in. Step in front of your car. Throw up. Do it a couple times. Good going idiot, now your breath is nasty. Good thing you have gum. Pop a piece in your mouth and chew. After 5 minutes of staring and chewing, spit the gum out. Have to look professional. Now head for the front door. Leave the bag in the car. Be prepared for anything.

You’re inside the building now. Look at the directional arrows hanging from the wall. Glance for the one you’re looking for. Straight ahead it seems. Take deep breaths. Now you see the gold numbers on the apartment. Stand in front of it. Pull your hat brim down. Knock. Wait. Now you hear the deadbolt unlock and the door begin to open. Be prepared for anything